Railroad Quips, Quotes & Jokes
The railroad, a transformative force in the 19th and 20th centuries, not only revolutionized transportation and commerce but also permeated popular culture, inspiring countless anecdotes, observations, and humorous takes. This article delves into the rich tapestry of railroad-related quips, quotes, jokes, and even peculiar laws, offering a glimpse into how this powerful industry was perceived and integrated into the American psyche. From the visionary pronouncements of early pioneers to the dry wit of literary giants, the railroad has consistently provided fodder for reflection and amusement.
The Dawn of the Iron Horse: Prophetic Words and Early Impressions
The initial introduction of railroads sparked a mix of excitement, skepticism, and outright disbelief. Oliver Evans, a pioneering engineer, envisioned a future where steam-powered carriages would whisk people between cities at unprecedented speeds. His prediction in 1800 of travelers breakfasting in Baltimore, dining in Philadelphia, and supping in New York on the same day seemed audacious, yet it foreshadowed the transformative impact the railroads would have on travel times and connectivity. Evans himself played a pivotal role in this revolution, building both an early high-pressure steam engine and the first steam-powered boat.
However, not everyone was immediately convinced. Thomas Jefferson, despite recognizing the potential of steam-powered carriages, cautiously acknowledged the significant changes they would bring to society. Other individuals expressed outright skepticism. One unnamed naysayer famously declared that high-speed rail travel was impossible, as passengers would suffocate from lack of breath. Such pronouncements, hilariously incorrect in hindsight, highlight the initial resistance to the radical advancements offered by the railroads. Colonel John Stevens, in contrast, displayed unwavering optimism, predicting speeds of 100 miles per hour as early as 1812. These contrasting viewpoints paint a picture of a society grappling with the implications of a groundbreaking technology.
Literary Musings on the Railroad:
The railroad did not only impact infrastructure; it also left an impression on the world of literature, inspiring both insightful observations and satirical commentary. Mark Twain, with his characteristic wit, likened a railroad to a lie, suggesting that it required continuous expansion and maintenance to remain viable. Ambrose Bierce, known for his cynical definitions, defined the "RAILROAD" as a mechanical device that allowed people to escape their present location only to end up in a place that was "no better off." These cynical observations offered a counterpoint to the unbridled enthusiasm surrounding the railroads, suggesting a more nuanced understanding of their societal impact.
Ralph Waldo Emerson, on the other hand, viewed the railroad with a sense of wonder, describing railroad iron as a "magician’s rod" capable of unlocking the latent potential of land and water. Ada Louise Huxtable lamented the rapid obsolescence of railroad stations, once symbols of modernity that quickly became relics of the past. Eleanor Robson Belmont, indulging in the luxurious aspects of rail travel, declared that a private railroad car was an immediately acquired taste, highlighting the exclusivity and opulence associated with this mode of transport for the elite. These diverse literary perspectives underscore the multifaceted role of the railroad in shaping the cultural landscape.
Humorous Anecdotes and Railroad Jokes:
Beyond insightful quotes, the railroad was a fertile ground for humor. A common theme in railroad jokes revolves around the challenges and absurdities of train travel.
Consider the story of the stranger in a Jersey City depot who, confused about the platform for his train, received the cryptic advice: "if you take the left, you’ll be right; if you take the right, you’ll be left." Such wordplay captures the often bewildering nature of navigating complex railway systems.
Thomas W. Jackson, in his book On A Slow Train Through Arkansas, recounts an encounter with an elderly popcorn vendor on a train. When questioned about his age, the vendor quipped, "I was a boy when this train started," a humorous exaggeration highlighting the perceived slowness of the journey.
One joke tells of a conductor on the Chicago & Alton Railroad who forbade a honeymooning couple from "billing and cooing." Citing a law against unjust discrimination on railroads, the conductor argued that since he didn’t have a woman for every man on the train to hug, the bridegroom’s actions were illegal. This humorous scenario satirizes the absurdity of overly strict regulations and the potential for misinterpreting the law.
Another anecdote recounts a brakeman’s unintelligible announcement of a station, except for Yuma. Because a sheriff on board was transporting prisoners, the brakeman shouted: "Yuma! Change Clothes; 10 years for refreshments!" The joke plays on the association of Yuma with its penitentiary and the prisoners’ imminent fate.
Two drunks were walking upgrade between the railroad tracks. One of them said, “this is longest stairway I have ever been on.” To this, the other replied, “It’s not the stairs that bother me, it’s the low banister.” This joke highlights the difficulties of walking on railroad tracks.
Another joke tells of two drunks who were walking down a New York City street when one fell down the subway steps. When he got back up top, he told his drinking partner, “boy you got to see that guy’s train set in the basement!”
The Bizarre World of Railroad Prohibitions:
Perhaps one of the most entertaining aspects of railroad lore is the collection of strange and often illogical laws and regulations that governed railway operations and passenger behavior. These prohibitions, some of which were actual laws while others were simply railroad rules, offer a humorous window into the social norms and anxieties of the time.
For example, a West Virginia law mandated that railroads build a station and stop regularly in any community with 100 or more people located within a mile of the tracks. A Chicago, Illinois, law once prohibited eating in a place that was on fire, but a 1912 amendment exempted dining cars on steam trains. A Texas law once stipulated that when two trains meet at a crossing, both must come to a complete stop and wait for the other to pass – a recipe for gridlock!
Other prohibitions were even more peculiar. A New York City ordinance forbade shooting rabbits from the back of a moving Third Avenue streetcar. In Alabama, placing salt on a railroad track was once a capital offense. Throwing pickle juice at a trolley in Rhode Island was deemed a misdemeanor. In West Virginia, it was illegal to sleep on a train. In Seattle, Washington, women who sat on men’s laps on trains without a pillow in between could face a six-month jail term. A Gary, Indiana, ordinance once prohibited anyone from attending a movie house, theater, or riding on a public streetcar within four hours of eating garlic.
These seemingly arbitrary rules highlight the challenges of regulating a rapidly evolving industry and the sometimes-absurd consequences of well-intentioned legislation. They also offer a glimpse into the social anxieties and cultural norms of the era.
Railroad Quotes often highlighted some of the technological advancements.
The railroad has left an indelible mark on American history and culture. From the visionary pronouncements of early pioneers to the witty observations of literary figures and the bizarre world of railroad prohibitions, the industry has consistently provided fodder for reflection, amusement, and social commentary. This collection of railroad quips, quotes, and jokes serves as a reminder of the transformative power of this mode of transportation and its enduring legacy in the American imagination.